Fathers' day, a trip of more than thirty miles, to meet your son to hand over some clothes for the one you never got to meet and tend your grave. The sun is shining. We should be at the seaside but the cake uneaten from when your grandson wanted to make it and the promise, I made on your death bed as you took your last breath at 6am, 5 years ago in London clear like made yesterday still prevails. The lawn must be overgrown. I feel you worrying away as you lie there in the silence of strangers around all competing with their family cars parked nearby. Your tombstone unattended and your voice unheard no matter how loud you shout.
No digital connections can answer your calls, no one to intervene. No cold dinners two days apart waiting for sons to arrive from 30 miles away on Christmas day, no grandchildren laughing together around your table. The dried grass, a failed attempt of kneading away amongst the stones on your bedhead call me to clear them and new life of what appears to be some species of cacti awaiting for my fingers to find them, remove them....and the laughter of 2 of your 3 sons in my ear as they speak of your enemy. Wonder how you feel as you lie there. As I kneel close to you, they stand away, apart comparing your neighbours! I hear them discussing his cars, your old black one with our new white one. The one with the hairs on its' bonnet. Wonder if you approved or if you willed to kick it out of existence, but it’s here with your grandson sitting inside doing his thing all in his imaginary world and your 3 granddaughters not here either, two you spent all of your time to attend them even as you were fading away and one you never got to meet somewhere close by, but not by your side. Your sons exchanging their thoughts about how you left them and would you have been around if only you knew your true diagnosis, but what’s the point? Your message comes to me as I sit and they stand, "forget the politicians around, write a note or make a call. Tell them you are here, and how you can help them and you to earn a dime, stop all this messing around but make sure you enjoy her. The one I never got to meet.
®Trade Mark No: UK00003778364 Mark: iandyoumatter (Figurative) Owner: iandyoumatter ltd Class(es): 35,38,41,45
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