21/06/2020
Content deleted. Sentences that still ring in my ears when I wake up every morning, the thread that is no more, dread of that cold shoulder awaiting downstairs at 5 am or 6 makes no difference, every morning the same bitter inner voice telling me no we can’t be friends. Ex colleagues at best is how it has to be. See you on linked in!
Good luck with the new job, congrats one your work anniversary. Here’s the recommendation I wrote for you, Hope It fits what you want to do next. No more questions or suggestions. No “How is it going?” No more connections!
It seems we just can’t have that connection you want. No I don’t think you’ve fancied me all those years, but stress brings on entanglement, misconstructions say hello. Endorphins and hormones invite them to uncover the bramble and weeds we suspect there since we last touched base. Intrusions hold hands with boundaries once crossed before. What’s done is done and can’t be undone acting like shortcuts paving its' way. That secret old road, buried so deep, covered with twisted wild growth of vine leaves and stems bearing fruit through time but stress closes your eye to them all. You recklessly attack them all reaching for the weeds. Oh the bramble thorns... Those pings I still blame… If only they hadn’t arrived. Oh I so wish I had it in me to ignore them. My peace is made with them now. A bittersweet past of memories and lessons learnt the hard way. Feeling higher than the clouds. Confusion!
Those looks from across the desks, your sayings and feelings from 20 years ago, I couldn’t comprehend. Sitting on top of that mount in Boxhill together, admiring that beautiful view in silent. Sharing simple things like real friends do and wishing we could go there again one more time. That’s why it hurts.
Driving through those magical tunnels of overhanging branches embracing and hugging each other on the way there as I sat in the passenger seat when you took those bends, as if you were driving in the Grande Prix. Wind wrestling with my wavy hair as you drove that black convertible Peugeot 206... my dream car I so wished I could drive. My dreams. What and why doesn’t matter any more. Since yesterday, I don’t mind surprises, I’m safe in the knowledge you too know we won’t have any more. Perhaps one day you’ll see why I had to leave like this and forgive the hurt. But I’ll think of you every time my boy wants a hug and secretly wish I could hold you close one more time like I did for the very first time we said goodbye. I’ll shed a quiet tear cos I can’t comfort you any more and wonder if you're feeling the same right now! Tell myself that all good thing will come to an end one day and so I’ll enjoy every precious moment. Love hurts when raw, It will get easier but I can't tell you this, for that would bring on more connection.
®Trade Mark No: UK00003778364 Mark: iandyoumatter (Figurative) Owner: iandyoumatter ltd Class(es): 35,38,41,45
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